


Forever, My Prince

by ninwrites



Series: Do I Dare Disturb The Universe? [1]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - Regency, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arranged Marriage, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Lords & Ladies, M/M, Princes & Princesses, Regency Romance, Royalty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 16:44:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6017062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninwrites/pseuds/ninwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alexander Lightwood is the Crown Prince of Idris, eldest son to King Robert and Queen Maryse. As the heir to the crown, he is betrothed to Lady Lydia Branwell, daughter of a high-born Baron. Their match is one smiled upon by all throughout the kingdom, for what is not to adore about a young couple, calm and gentle and undoubtedly prepared to rule the lands fairly when the time comes. </p><p>There are, however, two people who do not smile upon this union. Two people whose hearts are entwined in a forbidden love, doomed to be apart despite how desperately they yearn for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forever, My Prince

**Author's Note:**

> Beta-read by the lovely Volcarona_Flame, edited by me - all mistakes are obviously mine. Sometimes I miss things.
> 
> teensy, teensy spoilers for Persuasion by Jane Austen - to be fair, if you even just read the summary for the novel it's fairly easy to guess what happens, but I am putting a disclaimer here just in case.
> 
>  
> 
> AND I KNOW THAT ALEC IS ALLERGIC TO FLOWERS, TRUST ME, I GET IT, BUT I NEEDED HIM TO NOT BE FOR CREATIVE PURPOSES. (it's painful for me too I swear)

Alec despises balls. 

He hates the dancing, something he and his two left feet have always had trouble handling, and he finds the sound of hundreds of girls giggling behind their fans because they believe it works in their favour, simply irritating.

His younger sister, Isabelle, loves the balls, but he believes that it's because they get announced before entering, their full names and titles echoing around the dome-roofed room, and she gets to wear elegant, hand-crafted ballgowns that shimmer when she moves, and a crown that gleams brighter on her head than any of the tiara's the other ladies wear.

Jonathan, or Jace as he prefers to be called, loves the adoration he receives from the ladies he dances with. They all know of the rumors, that he is to be betrothed to Lady Clarissa Fairchild, a fiery-haired girl hailing from the next kingdom over, but that doesn't prevent him from enjoying the attention.

Alec prefers to stick to the shadows of his parents, the title of Crown Prince enough to have him blushing, because he's never been one for expectations or attention or having all eyes on him.

Which is something he will, unfortunately, have to overcome. He is heir to the kingdom his parents have ruled for twenty years, and they, along with their closest advisors, are already working on pairing him up with a suitable lady. Anxiety and timidity are not exactly praised when it comes to royalty, to kings, and therefore he has to learn to change who he is, to become who he _should_ be.

For tonight, however, his only focus is smiling through his pain and and keeping his parents happy. And hopefully escaping as many dances as he possibly can.

He's standing off to the side, near the banquet tables where he can watch as others spin and twirl and move in an elegant way that he never will, when he hears a warm voice that sends shivers down his spine.

He has no clue of the change his life will take by turning around to see from whom the wondrous voice had come from.

"Is it treason to call the Crown Prince of Idris a blossoming wallflower?"

Alec turns around, fairly confused by what he's not sure is a compliment or not, to find himself face-to-face with enchanting green-gold eyes that sparkle with delight and mirth. The man looks familair, in the sense that his name is tickling the back of Alec's mind, just out of his reach, and his smile is charming despite the fact it is likely at Alec's expense.

"Only if I wasn't acting like one." Alec replies. He stands up straight, having previously been leaning against the decorated wall, because he realises he's being quite rude in his behaviour.

"So, why _are_ you clinging to the foundations of this magnificent residence?" The man asks, shifting so that his full attention is directed towards Alec.

Alec blushes, the words on his tongue embarrassing and possibly pitiful.

"I've never been one for dancing. I barely cope with public appearances as it is. I much prefer hiding out in the library, my nose in a book, than shaking hands with esteemed dignitaries and people who adore my parents for all they have achieved in their rule."

The man laughs, and it's a low and delightful sound, like the notes his brother brings from their grand piano.

"Forgive me, but that is rather, ironic, isn't it?"

Alec ducks his head bashfully. "Unfortunately, yes."

The man's laughter fades away, and Alec remembers that he hasn't yet caught his name.

"You seem to know a lot about me, although I suppose that isn't hard."

A smile toys on the man's lips, and Alec can feel himself begin to blush.

"But I do not yet know your name. And I believe that is rather unfair."

The man steps back an inch, bowing his torso and extending a gloved hand. Alec takes the hand, cautiously, and the man looks up at him through darkened lashes.

"Lord Magnus Bane, originally hailing from the Dutch Indies and now residing in America, although I am currently in Alicante for the next week or so."

Alec can feel the heat from Magnus' hand, despite them both wearing gloves, and he bites down on the inside of his cheek.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, my prince." Magnus whispers, brushing his lips quickly across Alec's knuckles.

He straightens up, so fast Alec wonders if he'd imagined the touch. The sparks that errupted when Magnus mouth touched his hand seem to prove the action, however, and Alec struggles to push down the heat creeping up his neck. He's thankful for the high-collar of his shirt, to hide the red, although he has a feeling that Magnus knows anyway.

"The - the pleasure is, is all mine, L-Lord Bane." Alec stutters out, and he has to lean back against the wall, because he fears that if he doesn't, he just might faint.

Magnus grins, and Alec's about to say something, anything at all really, when a blur of charcoal and silver comes rushing up to them.

"Lord Bane," Isabelle greets, holding her skirt in one hand as she curtsies.

"Princess," Magnus returns the honour, bowing his head - although not completely, the way he did for Alec, the prince notes with a sly smile.

"I despise to interrupt your conversation with my brother, although I am sure that he's plenty entertaining."

Isabelle doesn't comment on Alec's blush, or his glare, but her mouth does turn up in a smirk, and Alec knows she understands perfectly well what she is doing. She turns her attention to Alec, and he braces himself for whatever barrage of words are about to be shot at him.

"Mother insists that you must dance at least once tonight, and she has sent me over here to tell you."

Alec glances around the room until he spots their mother, who is smiling pleasently towards some lord. She seems to sense him looking at her, and when she looks back it's with a locked gaze that spells disaster, and a dreary leacture, if he doesn't follow her request.

"Can't deny the Queen." He mutters under his breath, and he's a little startled to hear Magnus stifle a laugh. Even Isabelle grins, though obviously surprised to hear him joking at all, let alone about their mother.

"Thank you," Alec tells Magnus, _thank you for the conversation, for not laughing_ at _me, thank you for treating me like a person and not just an heir_ , and Magnus bows his head in return.

As he's slipping into the crowd, attempting to find a lady who he could bear dancing with, he hears Magnus asking Isabelle for a dance, and he finds himself almost envious. Which is ludicrous, because Alec is a prince, and princes do not dance with lords, princesses do, he knows that. Yet, he can't help but wish he was the one dancing with Magnus instead of his sister.

Eventually he requests a dance with Grand Duchess Helen Blackthorn, daughter of Prince Andrew and Princess Eleanour of Angeles. Rumours have begun to spin, that she is not Eleanour's daughter, that she is in fact the illegitimate child of Andrew and Lady Nerissa of Seelie, but Alec doesn't care very much for rumours. He and Helen are fairly good friends, bonding as children during tedious lessons, and if he has to dance with anyone, he prefers to dance with her.

She's kind, and gentle, and doesn't chastise him when he makes a wrong move or accidentally steps on her foot, just smiles and helps him so it doesn't happen again. He can't stop his eyes from gazing around the room, however, searching for eyes of treasure and wonder, and a smile that sends shivers down his spine. If Helen notices, she keeps it to herself, and Alec is now, more than ever, grateful for her friendship.

He doesn't know why Magnus is having such a strange effect on him. But he does know that he hopes they'll meet again.

* * *

 

The next time Alec and Magnus run into each other, it's a few days later, and if Alec is being honest with himself, barely a minute has passed where Magnus hasn't crossed his mind.

Of course, when he enters the conference room - to sit through yet another dull and tedious meeting about taxes and jobs, things that hold no importance to him yet, as he is only the heir, not the King, and until the time comes he cannot make any decisions or input his own opinion - the last thing he is expecting to see, is one Lord Bane, oh-so-concidentally in the sit next to his own.

He blinks, in case it is all a wonderful dream, but alas not - his mother is at one end of the long table, his father at the other, dignitaries and lords of importance and advisors scattered between, and Magnus, turning to smile at him with a mischevious gleam in his enchanting eyes.

Then again, Alec supposes, it is a meeting. Perhaps Magnus is just pleased to see him, meetings can be awful if there is no one to speak to, and Alec knows _he's_ pleased that Magnus is there.

"Hello," He whispers as he sits down. He'd greeted the room as a whole, but it felt impersonal to pretend Magnus was just the same as everyone else.

"Greetings." Magnus replies, and Alec has to look away for a second, because Magnus' smile is too bright and happy for Alec to remain professional if he keeps looking.

The meeting carries on as usual, Magnus offering his own considerations as well, and for the first time since he's had to sit through these, Alec finds it a little less boring than usual. It does help, of course, that any time Alec looks a little disinterested, Magnus pokes his knee or nudges his shoulder, or even at one point lets Alec know through a low whisper in his ear, that Countess Imogen Herondale's hair is beginning to slide off her head.

No one mentions their somewhat inappropriate behaviour, and Alec wonders if anyone even notices. It's doubtful, as they're careful enough to be discrete, and of course there are actual important issues that do need to be discussed.

Time flies, and it's not long before the meeting is over and they are all being dismissed. Magnus requests to speak with Alec, alone, and his hand is touching Alec's arm, and although the gesture is simple it still sends sparks running down to the tip of Alec's fingers.

Alec nods hesitantly and leads Magnus through into the adjoining drawing room. He shuts the door behind them, because it feels like a serious and intimate moment is dawning on them. Besides, he knows that his parents have more meetings to have and people to meet, so it's not as though many people will be using the room for the next hour, at least.

"What did you want to see me about?" Alec asks, and he notices that Magnus seems a little nervous, which can't be correct, he must be imagining it, surely.

"I have some unfortunate news."

"What is it?" Alec asks, and when Magnus gestures towards the lounge, Alec takes a seat.

The cushion dips slightly when Magnus sits down next to him, and their bodies are inches away, Alec can practically feel electricity buzzing in the space between them and it's a feeling he's never felt before. His skin feels alert, like thousands of needles are prickling him all at once, and it's not a bad thing, necessarily, it's just not something he's ever really experienced.

"I am afraid that I must return to my own manor, for an uncertain amount of time. My father, needs me to assist him with some matters that require my physical presence."

"Oh," Alec says, and he doesn't really understand why he is so saddened by the news, having only known Magnus for a few days, and for barely any hours, but he can't deny that he wishes Magnus wouldn't have to leave.

"I wish I didn't." Magnus confesses. He shifts so that he is facing Alec, and suddenly their hands are brushing, just barely, but with no gloves the heat is radiant and Alec feels his heart skip a beat.

"I wish I could stay here a little longer," Magnus continues, and Alec's not looking at him, because the weight of the situation is pressing on his shoulders and his head feels heavy.

"With you."

And there goes Alec's heart again, except this time it skips twice, and when Alec looks up his breath hitches in his throat, because there's something new shining in Magnus' eyes, something he can't define, and although he's smiling it's sad around the edges and Alec would do anything to take the sadness away.

"Me too," Alec whispers, and he almost grimaces at how awkward it sounds, because surely he could have said something a little better, anything better.

But then he notices Magnus' eyes soften, and when Alec lets out a sigh of breath it's shaky and uneven. Magnus moves his hand forward, until it's covering Alec's, their fingers clasping together and a trail of fire runs through Alec's wrist. Neither of them move, but something in the air shifts, everything is electric and Alec can feel the hairs on his arms standing to edge beneath his sleeves.

It's undeniable, that something between them has changed, something is different between them now and it's unlikely they'll return to the way things used to be. And Alec doesn't want it to.

"You are like no one I have ever met, Alexander Lightwood." Magnus whispers, and the spark in his eyes is teasing, but honest. Alec doesn't know what to say, what to do, because no one has ever made him feel this way before, and he's a little unsure as to what it all means.

"Alec," He says, and when the corners of Magnus' eyes crinkle in confusion, he ducks his head. His eyes fall to their linked hands, and he has to fight off a blush as Magnus offers comfort through a gentle squeeze.

"I prefer to be called Alec," He explains, even though his name sounds better coming from Magnus' mouth than from anyone else's.

"Alexander is what my parents, the kingdom, all these lords and ladies and counts call me, and it's just - too pretensious and stuffy."

"I think your name is wonderful, with all it's letters and vowels." Magnus says, and Alec's startled at the mess he's becoming inside because of Magnus' voice.

"However," Magnus adds, bowing his head slightly. "If that is your wish, I will respect it."

"Thank you."

They lapse back into silence, and Alec wishes that they could stay this way forever, but he knows that they can't, and so he must ask.

"When do you leave?"

Magnus averts his gaze to the ornate lamp across from them, before answering. "Tomorrow morning. Just after the sun rises."

"Oh," Alec says, intelligently, and Magnus sighs.

"Yes."

"We could write letters to each other," Alec suggests, and Magnus' face lights up before something dawns on him and the sharp lines of his cheeks are hidden in shadows.

"Are you allowed to send correspondence?" Magnus asks. "Without being intercepted?"

Alec pauses for thought, as he hasn't sent personal letters to anyone in years, the only ones he sends now are on behalf of his parents. Surely he'll be able to send them to Magnus, though, prince to lord. His parents must trust him by now.

"I'm sure I will be. I'm a prince, you're a lord," The titles taste like poison on his tongue, but he swallows the venom and continues. "I'm eighteen in a few months, if they don't trust me enough now to send my own letters than I can't be fit enough to rule, and they wouldn't be wasting their time attempting to prepare me."

"That is true," Magnus admits. The gleam is back in his eyes and Alec is delighted to see it.

"I know it won't be the same as this," Alec says, using his other hand to indicate between them, because he can't bear to move his hand from out of Magnus' hold.

"But it will still be communication, and the time between visits will be more bearable."

"That is also true." Magnus says softly.

Alec knows that Magnus is leaving the next day, understands completely that it may be weeks or months before they see each other again, but they will have their letters, their inked words. And although Alec may not understand the feelings that arise when Magnus is around him, he knows that they are not unpleasant, and he wouldn't mind them making appearances again.

Because when Magnus is around, he doesn't feel like Crown Prince Alexander Gideon Lightwood of Idris, heir to the throne of the kingdom. He feels like _Alec_ , nothing more, no pretensious titles or stiff expectations, just _Alec._ He likes the way Magnus makes him feel.

He likes being _Alec._

* * *

 

_Dear Alec,_

_I am writing this in a hurry, as I am expected for luncheon soon. However, I have recieved the most wonderful news and I can not wait to tell you of it. In fact, I am so eager that I am slipping this to my courier as soon as I have finished._

_My father has just informed me that I am to return to the beautiful city of Alicante, your beautiful city, for two weeks. Two weeks, Alexander! All on my own. I am travelling on my family's behalf, of course, but that is not important._

_I am to leave in four days. Which means that, at the time of you reading this, I shall be arriving the next day. How exciting!_

_Until then,_

_\- Magnus x_

* * *

 

"They're here, they're here!"

Alec smiles, partly at his dear sister's exclamations, and partly at the convoy of carriages rattling up. They are standing at the foot of the steps leading into the palace, their parents on the other side, watching as the convoy travels along the widing stretch of cobblestones. He knows that the one for the Bane family - or the one member, in this case - isn't the only one, and not the most important one, but it is the one he is the most excited about. He reins it in, because he needs to appear calm and regal.

"It's just a bunch of stuffy lords and ladies who think that if they praise us we'll invite them to all our balls and they'll get to live their lives as the wealthiest people in the world." Jace says. He'd been adopted by Alec's parents when he was eleven, and still held some distaste for those with more money and power than they need.

"True," Alec admits, because for most of them, it is. Ladies who flutter their eyelashes and their fans when their husbands are not looking, lords who laugh and joke with as many people as they can in order to gain favour and hopefully control.

Because if they cannot be the rulers, they want to be second-in-charge. Of course, not all of them are like that. One lord in particular...

"You do know that Lady Fairchild's carriage is one of these." Alec says, before his mind can stray to unsafe thoughts.

"Of course I do." Jace replies, and there's a wistful shine that softens the hardness in his eyes.

"I do hope this means that Simon is travelling with her too." Isabelle says wishfully, and Alec wishes she was older, wishes she understood the difference between a servant and a princess. Although he doesn't agree with them, rules are rules, and they must be obeyed.

Despite how sweet Simon is, and how perfect they would be for each other, under more fortunate circumstances.

"How disappointing that Alec will have to sit through those stuffy Clave meetings whilst Isabelle and I actually enjoy ourselves." Jace grins.

Alec shrugs. "If I am to be king, then I have to sit through these meetings."

Or so his parents keep telling him. It could be worse, of course. The Clave is only made up of his parents and their closest advisors, and the lords of the closest neighbouring kingdoms. The Conclave is when he ends up pulling strands of his own hair out in frustration. They're all old and closed-minded and don't believe that his opinions are worth even a grain of sugar.

"Boring, if you ask me." Jace says.

"And I am very grateful for your input." Alec drily replies.

There's no more time to talk, because the carriages have rolled up and greetings are required. Jace visibly relaxes when Clarissa and her mother walk up, Simon trailing behind them with Clarissa's luggage. They are only staying for a few days, a week if they're lucky, so they don't require as much belongings as others.

Not to mention, Clarissa trusts Simon more than anyone else.

"Princes Jonathan and Alexander, Princess Isabelle." Clarissa greets, curtsying as far as her full-skirts will allow. Her dress is a pale green, making her eyes seem brighter in contrast.

"Lady Clarissa, Duchess Fairchild." They greet in return, nodding to her mother Jocelyn as well.

Simon nods to them, his hands occupied, and Isabelle smiles shyly.

Jocelyn leads Clarissa and Simon over towards their parents, and then there are more people for the three to greet and smile at. It is after three carriages, that Alec spots Magnus, and his heart leaps into his throat.

Magnus is wearing a deep crimson and gold brocade waistcoat, dark breeches and Alec thinks he can see something sparkling in Magnus' hair, swept into a ribbon held at the nape of his neck, much like Alec and Jace's own - only, where Alec's is blue and Jace's is silver, Magnus' is a deep red that almost blends in with his coat.

He looks exquisite, Alec notes, and he banishes the thought just as quickly as it comes because not only is now not the place nor the time, it is not a safe idea.

"Greetings, Prince Jonathan, Princess Isabelle." Magnus greets when he steps up, bowing at the waist.

"Prince Alexander." He adds, looking up through his hair and Alec has to duck his head to hide the blush before either of his siblings can see.

"Lord Bane." Jace and Isabelle greet. Jace bows his head, and Isabelle curtsies slightly, and Alec takes the chance to smile at Magnus, warming at the grin he recieves in response.

"Lord Bane." He says quietly, admiring the way Magnus visibly lights up at his words.

Jace and Isabelle straighten and Magnus nods once before walking off. Alec fights down the disappointment and plasters on a smile, as Baroness Jia Penhallow steps forward. She is a dear friend of his parents, and her daughter Aline is a distant cousin of theirs, but he has a lot more people he has yet to greet and even those who aren't stuffy, well, _aren't Magnus._

And now that he _is_ here, Alec wants nothing more than to speak to him. Try and see if the spark that had happened before is still there.

And until he can, he just has to hide his true feelings behind a fake smile. Nothing new, not for him.

* * *

 

"Are the Clave meetings truly as boring as Jace claims they are?" Isabelle asks.

She had cornered him immediately after he'd finished talking to their parents about what celebrations would be held for his birthday - even though it is months away, it is also his eighteenth, and as such requires more celebratory acts than he would like - and forced him into escorting her for a walk around the gardens.

Of course, there was no way he could have said no to her. She's his sister, he loves her and would do anything for her if she asked.

"I only ask, because it's not as though I will ever be able to experience one myself." Isabelle explains disdainfully. Alec wishes that she could take his place in the meetings, he imagines she would enjoy herself more than him. Even at sixteen she is smarter than most give her credit for.

"And, it's not as though I can completely trust Jace's word."

Alec laughs softly, and nods. "That is true. They're not always tedious, it's more that I am not allowed any input of my own. I am there to watch and observe only, and there's not much of a point to that if I can't put into practise what I am supposed to be learning."

"Your time will come, brother dear, of that I am certain." Isabelle says, her hand tightening on his arm for a moment. He loosens the clasp his hands have behind his back for a second, pausing in his step, before resuming his walk.

"Your faith is astounding." Alec mutters self-deprecatingly.

"It's not just faith. I have proof." Isabelle replies, and Alec smiles at her praise. He's completely aware that she could be exaggerating, simply because she cares for him, but he thinks that it's okay to accept the compliment, just this once.

There a few metres from the fountain when Isabelle speaks again, and Alec is glad for the distance, because he is certain that if they were any closer he'd likely fall into the water simply from shock.

"You and Lord Bane are getting rather close." Isabelle announces, and she says it rather nochalantly, but her mischevious glint betrays the simplicity.

"He's a lot closer to my age," And at twenty-three, a lot friendlier than some other lords he has contact with.

Isabelle raises a single eyebrow, and Alec resists the urge to groan.

"He's a nice person, and a lot more fun than the pretensious bastards that usually roam these halls." He admits, and he can't help the adoring smile that stretches when Isabelle laughs at his choice of words.

"My, my, how unbecoming of a royal, you should hold yourself and your language to much higher standards." She says, and she sounds like an echo of their mother, so precise and accurate it's a little scary.

Both of them laugh, the sounds mingling together like a melody of joy and Alec's missed this, he's missed how easy it feels to be around Isabelle. What with his preperation and the betrothal rumours - his and Jace's - and _Magnus_ , Alec's ashamed to admit that in his determination to fulfill all his duties, he's been neglecting his most important one.

Brother.

He turns and she follows his lead, her arm sliding to grip his elbow. Her fingers cause the fabric of his sleeve to crumple in her hands and it's a grounding force for the both of them.

"Something's bothering you." She says, matter-of-factly, and Alec's eyes flick to the fountain near them, to the stables on their right, anywhere but her knowing eyes.

"I'm fine," Alec replies.

Isabelle's grip tightens on his sleeve, and he forces himself to look at her. Her gaze is unwavering and as hard as stone, and he knows he won't get away until she's satisfied with his response.

"Have you ever ... have you ever been around someone, and the world starts to fade away until they're the only thing you're focused on?" He asks, because that's the best way to explain how Magnus makes him feel.

Isabelle looks considerate, and Alec's never been more grateful that she respects him enough to take him seriously.

"Not exactly in the way that you described," A soft look comes over Isabelle, her eyes not as hard as they had been. "But the way I feel around Simon, the happiness and the buzz - it sounds very similair. Why, who is making you feel like this?"

Isabelle knows, Alec can tell just by looking at her that she knows, more than he does, and it's that thought that causes Alec to shut down.

"No one, it's not an important matter."

"Alec-" Isabelle begins, but then the bell signaling dinner chimes throughout the yard and Alec breathes a sigh of relief. He needs to work out what is going on for himself before he can attempt to communicate with Isabelle about it.

"We'll be late if we don't start walking back." Alec says, implying the end of the conversation, and although Isabelle presses her lips together firmly, she nods and slides her hand back around his arm. His hands clasp behind his back and he leads her in a leisurely pace.

He can feel her eyes on him, searching him, but he keeps his gaze ahead and pretends there isn't a storm raging on in his heart, a blaring alarm of fear of the unknown in his brain.

"Thank you for the walk." Isabelle says, when they are a little less than halfway from the fountain. "I've enjoyed this time with you."

"The pleasure as been all mine. I appreciate the time you've given." Alec replies, his tone a little stiff and forced.

"I'll always have time for you, brother." Isabelle says, and Alec wonders when she gew up so fast, how she became so much smarter than him.

He wishes that she was in line for the throne, because he thinks she would make a better ruler than him any day.

* * *

 

Alec is enraptured in his novel, a favourite of his, _Persuasion_ by Jane Austen - he loves how Anne chooses to follow her heart instead of abiding by the wishes of those around her, how she marries Wentworth without compromising on her values or on the person she's become - when he feels a tap on his shoulder and a low cough behind him that somehow sounds amused.

"Austen? How interesting."

Alec manages to slide his bookmark in, despite the tremors in his hands, and when he looks up Magnus is sitting next to him on the lounge. Alec puts the book on the table, taking a moment to even his breathing before looking up. Magnus is smiling at him, mirth and something else dancing in his eyes, and Alec feels the electricity buzzing through him again, the way it always does around Magnus.

"Interesting?" Alec echoes.

" _Emma_ is one of my favourite books. Of course, _Jane Eyre_ and _Wuthering Heights_ aren't too bad, either."

Something else blossoms in Alec's chest, something more than just happiness, because he's found someone who appreciates the same literature as him, and that's something that is hard to find.

Alec guesses it must be showing on his face, because Magnus laughs softly. Alec can feel heat creeping up his neck, and unless he's mistaken there's a rosy hue on the top of Magnus' own cheeks.

"You're truly like no one I have ever met." Magnus whispers, and a hush settles over the room, over the two of them, wrapping around them and tugging them closer.

"The same could be said of you." Alec replies, and then his eyes lock onto Magnus' and he can't pull away, can't tear his eyes off for even a second, because that would break whatever spell has befallen them.

"Alec, have you ever kissed someone before?" Magnus asks, his voice a low thrum in Alec's ears, and it takes him a second before the question sinks in.

"N-no." He croaks.

He's never heard of men kissing other men before, and he isn't sure whether that is because it is frowned upon or just not something one talks about. Even gentlemen kissing ladies is barely mentioned, out of courtesy, respect and manners. He wouldn't even know how to kiss in the first place, how to move his mouth or where to put his hands or...

But with the way Magnus is looking at him, Alec thinks he'd be willing to give it a try.

"Would you like to?" Magnus asks, before hurriedly adding. "That is, only if you wouldn't mind. I don't want you to feel as though you have to."

"I-I want to." Alec replies, and he's not really thinking about what he's saying, about his duty or what is expected of him. His mind has taken over his mouth and he lets it take control.

Magnus slides his fingers between Alec's and squeezes, and the gesture is strangely familiar and comforting.

"I don't want you to feel as though I am taking advantage of you." Magnus says in a hushed tone, and Alec doesn't think he's ever seen Magnus so concerned, so worried, and unecessarily so.

"I don't think you'd ever do that to me." Alec admits softly, and the shine is back in Magnus' eyes.

"I'm going to take it slowly," Magnus informs him, and Alec nods.

He knows that he should be worried about someone walking in on them, worried about how bad at kissing he could be or even how Magnus might feel about him, considering Alec is confused enough about his own emotions.

But, for some reason, he isn't. He trusts Magnus, and that's the only thing that really matters.

Magnus leans in, and Alec can feel the lord's breath ghosting across his mouth, they're that close. His other hand comes up, cupping Alec's cheek carefully, the pads of his thumb coarse against his cheekbone, the dusting of stubble along his jaw. His eyes search Alec's, for something Alec isn't sure about, and his breath hitches in his throat when Magnus' eyes darken, taking on a colour much like molten gold.

Magnus closes the distance between them, slowly, and then his lips are pressing gently against Alec's. He's careful, cautious, and Alec presses back just the same, and even though he doesn't really know what he's doing, he's just copying Magnus, he finds himself enjoying it. Magnus mouth is warm and his lips are soft, taking care as they envelope Alec's, and there's a tingling feeling spreading from Alec's mouth down to the ends of his toes.

Magnus pulls away for a moment, and his breathing is heavy but the smile on his face is positively blinding. Alec focuses on his own breathing, on the way his heart is racing and the novelty of the situation and the feelings it has created in him.

"I've never ... that was..." Alec searches for the words to explain how he's feeling, but finds that they're all escaping him.

"I know." Magnus says, and Alec can see that he does, he gets it and understands perfectly.

Alec hesitates, before leaning in himself, chasing the butterflies that had first errupted when Magnus had initiated the kiss. Magnus' mouth opens for him instantly, and Alec swipes his tongue across Magnus' bottom lip. He's not sure why, his brain forgoing control and handing it over to his mouth and his heart, but he must be doing something right, because Magnus gasps, and a burst of warm air brushes over Alec's lips.

Magnus bites Alec's bottom lip, nips the soft flesh and an unexplainable noise escapes from Alec's throat. Magnus laughs, and it's a rumble, like falling rocks, and it reverberates through Alec, shaking his bones. Alec moves the hand that is not held in Magnus' to his hips, where the hem of his deep blue waistcoat ends. He slips his hand under the coat, and although there are still more layers than he would like, he can feel the hard outline of Magnus' torso, the heat radiating through the fabric. He curls his hand in Magnus' shirt, and leans in, so they're pressed together, impossibly close.

Magnus opens his mouth wider, his tongue darting into Alec's quickly, before retracting. Alec groans and presses harder, and this time when Magnus' tongue returns it slips into Alec's mouth. Alec's blood turns to fire, and all he can feel, all he can taste and smell and think about is _Magnus._ Magnus' hands on his, sliding around to grasp the back of his neck beneath his hair, scratching the nape. His tongue in Alec's mouth, swirling around as though he is trying to catalogue every possible inch. His mouth, hungry and desperate, as though he will never find an opportunity like this again.

Magnus, once careful and sweet, now passionate, devouring him as though the world is ending, melting Alec's brain into a puddle and sending his heart into overdrive.

 _Magnus_ , becoming everything Alec has ever known, becoming the only thing that matters to him, the only thing at all.

 _"Alexander,"_ Magnus moans, and Alec decides that from now on the only way he wants his name to be said is like that, exactly like that. In Magnus breathy tone, with shivers running down his spine and electricity sparking from his fingertips.

He doesn't understand just yet, caught up in lust and passion and feelings better than he's ever felt before, how much Magnus will come to mean to him in the coming months.

He has no idea of how much loving Magnus will end up hurting the both of them.

* * *

 

By the time Alec's birthday rolls around, he and Magnus have developed a relationship unlike any other. He's still at a loss as to how to describe his feelings, the adrenaline that rushes through him when Magnus looks at him, the heat that surges into the middle of his chest when they kiss, the sparks that seem to fly from Magnus hands, despite the impossibility, when they grasp the back of his neck.

He floats on a castle of clouds when he's around Magnus, his bones melt and his limbs lose all feeling bar the fire rushing through them. All he knows, is that he'd never throw away whatever they have, despite how confused he is. And whilst he has it, he's going to appreciate it.

He understands, all too well, that anything they do has to be kept behind doors. Magnus had explained, through warm kisses on even hotter skin, his breath ghosting across Alec's body, that if others were to discover their relationship it would not be approved of. And although Alec doesn't see why, as how could something that feels so _good_ be so _wrong_ , he trusts Magnus enough to keep their secret quiet.

There's also the matter of a wife, for both of them, although especially Alec, and neither of them are blind enough to pretend a proposal isn't looming. Instead of talking about it, however, they choose to appreciate the time they do have together, wrapping themselves in love and affection, pressing close enough to practically merge into one being.

Luckily for the both of them, Magnus arrives three days before the celebrations for Alec's birthday are due to start, which allows them time for themselves, time to forget who they are and what it means.

"Where have you gone?" Magnus asks, tapping Alec's temple gently.

They're in the library of the West Wing, because not only is it further than most people are willing to travel, it hasn't really been changed in at least 100 years, and Alec enjoys the calm nostalgic atmosphere. Not to mention, the lounge's are longer and wider, and the wooden arms don't dig into his ribs as much.

"Nowhere, I'm here." Alec says, but he knows that Magnus doesn't believe him. He sighs, and the weight on his chest eases slightly.

"It's these big celebrations I have to suffer through. I know it's tradition, and heaven knows I'm going to despise my eventual coronation just as much, but I - I'm not one for public attention-"

Magnus laughs, and Alec buries his head against Magnus' shoulder. The lapels of his coat are soft, velvet if he had to take a guess, and he smells like lavender soap and sandalwood, a headier scent just below the surface that is purely _Magnus._

"I know, it sounds ridiculous. But I've never liked attention, never liked having all eyes on me ... and for the next four days I'm going to have to suffer through it all, and I don't want to. It's alright for Jace, he craves attention, it fuels him, and Izzy's always liked the glitz and glamour of being royalty, but - it's just not for me."

"I understand."

Alec pulls his head back to look at Magnus, eyebrows raised slightly. A smile plays across his mouth, and Magnus sighs dramatically.

"Alright, so maybe I don't personally understand, but I can sympathise. The limelight isn't for everyone."

There's a surge in Alec's chest, a burst of something flowering out from the center of his soul. He leans in and kisses Magnus, and although it isn't long enough to do much more than heighten the feelings that are already there, it feels like something they both need.

"I love you." Alec whispers, and his words sink in a second later, and his blood turns to ice and freezes in his veins.

He pulls back, his breathing heavy, and he doesn't feel the cushion as he digs his fingers in, but he does it anyway. His head bows and his eyes lock onto the floor, because that way he won't have to look at Magnus.

"I'm sorry, I didn't, I - I-"

_"Alec."_

There's a hand on his shoulder, warm and firm, and Alec can feel the tension draining from his taut muscles. His heart is beating fast enough to shatter his ribcage and burst out of his chest, and he wills it slow down, because he can't imagine Magnus will appreciate having the insides of a prince staining his clothes.

"Breathe." Magnus orders, not unkindly, and Alec inhales deeply. He hadn't realised how panicked he'd been getting, and now he's grateful for the sweet air flooding his lungs.

"I'm sorry." Alec says again, lifting his head up despite how weighted it feels.

 _Heavy is the head that bears the crown_ , after all.

"Don't be." Magnus states, and Alec looks over in confusion. Magnus is smiling at him, eyes sparkling with happiness and something else, something kind of new, and Alec's still puzzled because surely Magnus is mad at him? Or, he should be.

Right?

"Alexander," Magnus leans in, and kisses Alec carefully.

"Gideon," Another kiss, softer this time, and longer.

"Lightwood."

A shorter kiss, and then Magnus pulls back, and his lips are shining as much as his eyes and there's a flutter of butterflies in the depths of Alec's stomach.

"I love you, too." Magnus whispers against Alec's mouth, and Alec has a moment to let the words sink in before Magnus is leaning over him, his hands dragging through Alec's hair and scraping across his scalp with barely any force.

Alec gasps, his head titling backwards. His neck is bare, and Magnus pulls the collar of his shirt aside to place a hot, open-mouthed kiss on Alec's jugular. Alec's breathing turns heavy and fast, low noises breaking as they escape from his throat. Magnus grips Alec's shoulder with one hand and kisses lower, at the juncture of his neck where Alec's collarbone is jutting out. He climbs gracefully onto Alec, straddling his legs, his knees pressed against his hips.

Alec's eyes flutter shut, his lashes creating sweeping shadows on his cheekbones. His hips lift up of their own accord, and when Magnus presses down their moans mix together into one hushed noise of pleasure.

"I've never loved anyone this much before." Magnus whispers into Alec's ear, kissing and nipping the flesh of his earlobe. "Not like this, not like it is with you."

"I've - I've never loved, _oh_ , I've never loved anyone, before." Alec gasps out in a shaky breath, his skin alert with energy, his heart pumping with more than just fire and passion, but with love and affection.

Magnus halts, and Alec thinks he's said or done something wrong, somehow. Then Magnus makes a soft, pleased sound, he almost keens, and Alec's toes curl in his stockings.

As Magnus sucks over a delicate bite on his shoulder, Alec allows all his worries and concerns melt away, lets the rest of the world dissipate.

All that matters, in that moment, is Magnus, and how much they love each other.

Whilst they still can.

* * *

 

The announcement comes nearly a week after the end of Alec's birthday celebrations - which had passed in a blur of parades and balls and dances and _Magnus_ , always Magnus, twirling around the ballroom with his hand on Marchioness Catarina Loss' waist, smiling at Alec over the rim of his champagne flute, brushing his hand across Alec's when they pass, enough people for the gesture to be safe and hidden - and at first Alec thinks that he's misheard.

And, if Alec was somebody else, someone a lot less honest or perhaps smarter, he'd blame Magnus for the reason his parent's announcement slides in one ear and out the other. The night before had been Magnus' last in Alicante, for an unknown amount of time, and they'd spent it under shadows and moonlight, hands through untamed, loose hair and scanning over spines, leaving burning scratches that fade as soon as they appear.

But unfortunately, his parents are being completely serious.

"I'm sorry Mother, Father, I missed that. Would you mind repeating it?" He requests. They're sitting at the table, their dishes having just been cleared away, and Alec is grateful that it is just the six of them.

Max is preoccupied with his napkin, Jace is quiet but Alec can tell he's concerned, and Isabelle simply reaches under the table for his hand and squeezes gently. He's pretty certain she knows, even though he hasn't explicitly told her everything, and he's grateful more now than ever for her presence and her care.

"We have found an appropriate match for you, Alexander." His mother says delicately. Both she and his father look incredibly pleased with the announcement, but all Alec can feel is dread.

He forces a smile anyway, because that is what they expect to see, and he can't allow them to see his true emotions.

"That's wonderful news." He chokes out, and usually he despises the fact that his parents aren't around enough to know the little, tell-tale signs he gives, especially when he's lying, but right now he's never been more thankful.

"Indeed." His father states, his voice gruff, the voice of a king, a ruler, a commander.

Alec doesn't have that voice. Jace does, sometimes. But Alec doesn't.

"You are henceforth betrothed to Lady Lydia Branwell. Her father is a high-born Baron, and you two are more than suitable for each other." His mother continues. Alec can feel the words washing over him, sinking in, pushing away all other feelings until his brain is simply chanting _'birthright, marriage, betrothal, Magnus,_ _ **duty**_.'

He knows he wouldn't protest even if he could.

"Lady Branwell is kind, clever, and the perfect choice for a future Queen. It is an honour to announce my betrothal, and therefore the binding of our families. May Heaven and Raziel smile upon our union, and may it bring peace to this land."

Alec's mouth is running away, leaving his heart behind, and he can't find anything in him that cares. It isn't as though he can say anything to change this arrangement, what's done is done. He has a legacy to continue and he owes to his family and his kingdom to fulfill his given destiny.

And if that means forsaking the one he loves, than that is what he must do. Even if it hurts.

He finishes the rest of the speech his mother had helped him write. His hands, clasped behind him with a grip tight enough to turn his knuckles white, are trembling. His heart is pounding, and not in a good way, and he's pretty certain he's never been paler in his whole life.

His eyes flicker to Isabelle, who offers him a sympathetic smile. It doesn't reach her eyes, though, and he wonders how that can be. How can she be feeling as miserable as he is, and why? He knows why _he_ has turned into the shadow of the person he used to be, a perfect replica in puppet-form, and he knows it could be worse, because Magnus could be standing near him. Thankfully, Magnus is back home, and it's the first time Alec has ever been glad that Magnus isn't around.

"To the future and all delights it shall hold." He says, his voice echoing around him, and for the first time since he was born he sounds like his father, and he hates it.

He hates that he has to do this, hates he has to announce his betrothal, hates that he's turning into the man who's never been there for him, never understood him.

_Duty, Alec. You have to do this, you've been preparing for this your whole life, you've known it's been happening for a long time now.. Your impending marriage shouldn't be such a surprise._

Except, it is, because the real surprise had been falling in love with Magnus, and that's thrown all of his plans out of the window.

Because now he's starting to question his whole life, who he is and every single event that has lead up to this moment.

He's questioning what the right thing to do is, and he's struggling to find an answer that makes sense.

* * *

 

_Dear Alec,_

_I have heard of your engagement to Lady Branwell. I suppose congratualtions are in order. I am sure that the two of you will make a wonderful couple, and excellent rulers. I look forward to your wedding, I am sure it will be a spectacular celebration worthy of Your Royal Highness._

_Until we cross paths again._

_\- Magnus_

* * *

 

The first time Alec formally meets Lydia, as his bretrothed and not just some daughter of a noble, he's surprised at how much she strays from his expectations. They'd met in passing in the past, but they've never had an in-depth conversation before. He isn't sure what image he's built up in his mind, not exactly, but he does know within a minute that whatever it was has been destroyed.

"Your Majesty's." She greets his parents first, curtsying with a sweep of her dress, which is a soft peach colour that compliments her chestnut hair, swept in a bundle of curls on one side.

Then it's a curtsy directed towards his brothers and sister, before her leafy-green eyes are boring into his deep hazel ones. For a moment he thinks he sees a flash of gold inside them, and then he blinks and it's gone.

"Your Highness?" Lydia says gently, bringing Alec crashing back into reality, and he shakes his head minutely.

"Sorry." He mutters, and it's barely an explanation, hardly an excuse, but she just smiles kindly.

"You look beautiful, m'lady." He tells her, folding his arm so that she can slide her hand around the crook of his elbow. He returns her smile, weak as it may be, and they fall into step behind his parents.

It's not only their first meeting, but their first public appearance as a betrothed couple, and Alec knows he can't let his despair show. He slides a mask of happiness on, his limbs moving methodically, mechanically, and he shuts his heart behind his ribcage, clips on a lock and throws the key into the deepest parts of his mind where he can't easily access it.

They are about halfway through the parade when Lydia's hand tightens on his arm, only for a second, and he looks over to see the same sympathy in her eyes than in his siblings.

"I know this is quite sudden," She says, her voice a low whisper so that nobody else can hear. "Especially as we barely know each other."

Alec doesn't say anything. He doesn't know what to say, doesn't know how to stop her nice words from breaking through the walls he's built around him.

"But I promise that I will do my best, to be worthy of the title of your wife and your queen." Lydia finishes, and Alec blinks hurriedly to prevent any tears from falling.

"I am certain that you will make a wonderful queen." Alec says shakily, because he can't bring himself to say the _w_ word, not yet, he's not ready to fully accept the impending truth just yet.

"I do hope you are correct." Lydia says, and then they lapse back into silence.

It is a comfortable silence, however, and Alec believes that if he is being forced to marry someone, he's glad it's Lydia.

* * *

 

The night before Alec's wedding, three weeks after the announcement, he dismisses Jace's suggestion to spend time together, insisting that he really just needs to get a good night's sleep. Jace allows it, reluctantly, and Alec drags his feet to his bedchambers - at least it feels as though they are dragging.

He enters the room, stokes the fire in the hearth and takes a moment to let the weight of the next day sink in. His shoulders droop with tension and he sighs in heavy defeat.

"A prince should be more excited on the eve of his wedding, should he not?"

A chill races down Alec's spine, and his legs feel so weak that he has to take a step back to grasp the arm of the chair behind him. He scans his eyes around the room, and upon seeing nothing determines that he's being delirious, he just misses the love of his life more than he has realised, that is all.

"Has it been so long, that you don't even recognise the sound of my voice?"

"Magnus?" Alec whispers, his voice cracking, because if this is all just a trick his mind is playing on him, it will break his heart beyond repair. It's barely holding together as it is, one more blow and it will shatter and he along with it.

He can see a figure now, an outline in the shadows stepping closer, and Alec's breath catches in his throat.

 _"Magnus,"_ He says again, and he sounds so broken, he _is_ broken, and maybe Magnus can't fix it, but he's here and right now that is all that Alec needs.

He takes hesitant, shaky steps forward, and when he gets close enough Magnus opens his arms and Alec falls into them. His hands slide beneath Magnus' arms and clutch at his back, rumpling the fabric of his coat in his fists. His head falls against Magnus' shoulder, his tears soaking Magnus' clothes and he feels awful about ruining them, but at the same time he's having trouble willing the tears away.

"I've missed you so much." Alec sobs, and Magnus' arms tighten around him. Once again, the world around them dissolves, and Alec presses against Magnus' as though having any distance between them will seperate them permanently.

"I know." Magnus whispers, placing a kiss on the top of Alec's head, and a shudder runs through his spine.

He pulls back enough to look at Magnus, and if he could kiss the sadness away, he would. But he can't, so instead he kisses Magnus to explain just how much he's longed for this, how much he's missed Magnus, how much he loves him.

How sorry that he is, that they can't be together the way they both want to.

———

A while later, tangled up in sheets and each other's bodies, both knowing the moment has to end and both unwilling to let it, Magnus whispers something inaudible against the skin of Alec's neck.

"Pardon?" He says, stroking the back of his hand across Magnus' cheek. He tilts Magnus' head so it's vertical to his own, his eyes looking at Magnus' and nothing else.

 _"Aku cinta kamu,"_ Magnus repeats, leaning in to kiss Alec, so slow it's almost painful.

"What does that mean?" Alec mumbles against Magnus' mouth.

Magnus smiles sadly, kissing Alec again, his hands brushing through Alec's hair. His chest is pressed against Alec's arm, his leg trapped in between Alec's, and if Alec's wedding day wasn't tomorrow, he'd be able to pretend that this is real, this is right and something he can have always, not just under the cover of midnight.

"I love you." Magnus says, and Alec thinks he's dodging the question, and despite how much he wants to know what Magnus said, he wants _Magnus more_.

So he presses his lips to Magnus' to keep the questions from spilling out, etches _I love you_ into Magnus' chest with his hands, his mouth, his tongue. He pushes his worries aside and soaks in everything he can, the love, the heat, the spark in his chest. He breathes in as much of Magnus' scent as he can, as though he can bottle it up inside of him and keep it forever, make it a part of him, the thing that runs through his veins and keeps him going.

He tries to forget everything by losing himself in Magnus, and everything he means, whilst he still can.

* * *

 

Alec's wedding day passes by in a blur of cheers and balloons, gowns and congratulations and flowers and a lot of gold. He's heard tales of how weddings used to go, the bride and groom both dressed in white, supposedly the colour of purity and witness. In his culture, however, brides are donned in gold wedding gowns, as white is preserved for mourning. He recalls Lydia glittering like coins in her dress, he remembers thinking that it suited her, made her look beautiful, but he also remembers the empty blackness wrapping around his heart.

He knows that he's said the appropriate things when he'd been spoken to, shook hands and accepted congratulations and smiled brightly, forced adoring gazes at his new bride, to keep everyone happy, because it's not fair that everyone else feels as miserable as he does.

He's done his part, and when the day is finally over, he collapses onto his bed, his tears soaking the cotton of his pillowcase.

Their honeymoon - which is really more of a tour of all the kingdoms he and Lydia will one day be ruling - isn't for another four days, they have one more day of celebrations, then a day of public appearances as a married couple, then a day of rest before their trip begins.

He's grateful that until the honeymoon he will have his bedroom to himself, because he isn't sure how to explain why he cries himself to sleep. It's almost pitiful, really, and he knows he should be working on forgetting Magnus, they had a good run but it's over now.

Somehow, though, he can't. He can't forget, no matter how hard he tries, just as he can't force himself to love Lydia.

That won't stop him from trying, of coure. It just makes success a little harder to achieve.

* * *

 

"Are you feeling okay, my prince?" Lydia asks, and Alec grimaces. He wipes it away quickly, although he suspects she notices anyway.

That had been _their_ thing, _Magnus_ had called him that, stroked it into his skin, beneath it, breathed it into his ear and down his throat. It was a name reserved for Magnus, and no one else.

"I'm fine. Just a little tired, I suppose."

"It has been a few very overwhelming days." Lydia agrees, and Alec smiles tightly.

He takes a deep breath, preparing himself, because the carriage doors are bound to open soon, and then he will have to smile and wave and greet subjects and accept gifts, and he can't do that whilst he feels so destroyed. So he pushes his feelings down, locks up his broken heart, and transforms himself into _Crown Prince Alexander Lightwood._

He ignores Lydia's perplexed yet concerned eyes as he straightens himself, flattens his hair, tightens the blue and silver ribbon at the nape of his neck.

"Here, let me."

Lydia leans forward, flattening the lapels of his coat, smoothing the creases in his sleeves. He deliberately keeps her eyes off of his, focusing on fixing his gloves. He also deliberately tries not to remember how the last person to be this close, not that he and Lydia were exactly _that_ close, was Magnus on their last night together.

"There." She says, and she sighs softly. Alec's about to open his mouth, ask her what's wrong, when she kisses him on the cheek. It's a brush of gentle lips, hardly any pressure, and it doesn't even last a second.

She knows, he realises. She might not understand everything, but she knows that he's miserable, and that he's not enjoying their union as much as he pretends he is. And he feels bad, because it's not fair to her that he doesn't want to be married to her. He's being an awful husband, and even if _he_ might not like it, they are married and he owes it to her to try harder. Even if it is as a sign of respect and not one of love.

"I'm sorry." He says, and Lydia smiles at him before shrugging slightly. He can see her pale collarbone - _not brown, not tanned and exqusite, not him_ \- near the border of lace around her dress, and he thinks that if he was someone else he'd be interested in her, because she is very beautiful.

But there's no spark there. Magnus makes - _made_ \- him feel _alive_ , but around Lydia he feels no different.

"You have nothing to apologise for." Lydia replies, and then the carriage doors are being opened, and they're being drawn out, and Alec has no chance to protest.

He fixes a smile, offers Lydia his arm and pushes everything that makes him _Alec,_ into a box in the back of his mind.

He has a job to do. He can't allow emotions to control him. No matter how overwhelmingly strong they might be.

* * *

 

_Dear Magnus,_

~~_I miss you so much, I think I underestimated how much you meant ... how much you mean to me. There is no moment where I do not wish you were by my side._ ~~

~~_I love you._ ~~

_How is Brooklyn? I hope it is treating you well. I have heard it is a mysterious place. I am currently touring the regions I shall one day rule over, and I do hope to discover the beauties of your country._

_Kindest regards, and best wishes._

_\- Alec_

* * *

 

_Deep breaths. In, 1, 2, and out, 1, 2._

"Your Lordship, it is a pleasure to be welcomed into your home, with such grace and respect. My wife and I,"

The words stick on Alec's tongue, and he swallows quickly before continuing.

"My wife and I, are thankful for your hospitality."

Lydia bows, and Alec forces himself to smile.

Viscount Asmodeous, Magnus' father, grins with a wicked smile and dead eyes. Alec has never liked the man, who walks with far too much purpose in his step, who glares at everyone he deems below him and who expects more respect and power than he deserves.

So unlike Magnus himself, it is astonishing.

"My son and I," Asmodeous gestures to Magnus, who's smile is charming and bright, but doesn't reach his eyes, which are dull and guarded. Alec's eyes flick to his, locking for a second, before he remembers his place and position, and he forces himself to look away.

"Are honoured to have you in our humble abode."

Magnus snorts under his breath, and Alec stifles a laugh. Asmodeus shoots Magnus a glare, before fixing a far-too-wide smile at Alec and Lydia.

"The interior decoration is beautiful, my lord. You must give me the name of your contractor. I feel as though a few rooms at the Lightwood manor could handle some fresh walls." Lydia says, and there's something slightly off about her words.

She glances at him out of the corner of her eye, a look that says _'trust me'_ and inexplicably, Alec does.

Asmodeus laughs, a low growl in the back of his throat that sounds harsh and sharp, like shards of glass.

"I could show you the East Wing, if you'd like. We've just had the carpet changed, and the curtains allow much more light into the rooms, it's almost angelic."

Lydia tilts her head delicately. "I'd love to."

She turns to Alec, a thousand questions flicking across her eyes. Alec raises his eyebrows, and Lydia leans forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"I'll keep the viscount distracted. Go talk to him." She whispers into his ear, pulling away before he can ask her how she knows.

Asmodeus steps forward, and Lydia slides her hand around his arm. When they're almost at the doors to the hallway, she turns back to look at Alec, flashing a kind smile. Alec mouths _'thank you'_ and she nods. The next moment, they're gone, and apart from the odd guards stationed at the doors, it is just Alec and Magnus.

"Crown Prince Alexander," Magnus greets, bowing at his torso. Alec does the same, his eyes flicking to the guards and then back to Magnus. He takes the hint, winking slyly at Alec.

"Would you care to accompany me upon a tour of the courtyard? There are these beautiful roses I’d like to show you, rarest in the land."

Alec smiles. "I would be delighted, Lord Bane."

* * *

 

"I get the feeling that you didn't exactly ask me to accompany you to just see these roses?"

Alec smirks as he runs his fingers over the soft, blood-red petals. He can feel Magnus behind him, sense his presence, as though their minds, bodies, hearts and souls are so entertwined that his eyes don't have to see properly see him to know he's there. It's been far too long since they were like this.

"You caught me." Magnus admits. He steps forward, his breath ghosting down Alec's collar, bristling his neck.

"I really just wanted to get you alone."

Alec hears the distinct click of a lock, knows that he is trappped in the high-roofed glass building, alone with only each other and the plants kept inside to be protected from the unpredictable weather from outside. The windows are tinted, coloured-glass and Magnus assures him that no one else will be able to see them.

They're safe. And alone. And together.

"Tell me I have no reason to feel as though I am intruding upon your marriage." Magnus whispers into his ear.

Alec shakes his head. "It is political. That's all. We haven't done anything, her and I. I think Lydia knows, though ... I haven't told her, but with the strings she just pulled, and the fact that she told me to talk to you..."

"She is a wise woman, indeed." Magnus replies, kissing Alec's neck, in the spot behind his ear that cuts off all thoughts in Alec's mind for a few seconds.

"Nothing, slips past ... her." Alec says, his head tilting backwards as Magnus kisses down his neck. His hands fall to the bench the plants are sitting on, his fingers gripping the cool metal.

Magnus pulls aside his collar, and kisses Alec's shoulder, where the skin dips near his neck.

"I've missed you, Alexander." He says, murmuring the words against Alec's collarbone, as though the words are sacred and meant for only them.

He pulls back and Alec spins himself around, his hands sliding over Magnus' torso and up his chest, locking in a grip around his neck.

"You're the only thing that occupies my thoughts." Alec whispers. "Even when I don't want you to, because ... because it hurts me too much."

"I know," Magnus says, just as hushed, the edges coated in pain. "I wish it didn't have to be like this, Alec, and if I could change it-"

"You would." Alec says. "I know. But you can't, and so there is no point dwelling on thoughts of the impossible."

"Alec-"

"Can we just, appreciate the time that we have together?" Alec asks, his voice soft and plaintive.

"I don't know when we will get another chance like this, and I just - I really need you right now. Just you."

Magnus smiles sadly. "Of course, my love."

Alec leans in, pressing his chest against Magnus'. The kiss is tender and gentle, Magnus' hands holding Alec's hip, one sliding to rest on the small of his back. Alec's sighs and soft moans melt in with Magnus', and the rest of the world disappears.

Because he has Magnus, real and in his arms, and he wants to make the most of it, whilst he still can.

* * *

 

"You're in love with him."

Alec looks up, eyes wide and stricken, jaw dropped as far as physically possible. He knows that if he wasn't sitting down, his face would have quickly met the floor, and even on a chair he fears he might topple over.

"I don't know what nonsense you are speaking of, dear." He says, concentrating on making sure his hand doesn't shake too much when he moves his knight forward.

"Lord Bane." Lydia says quietly. She takes his knight, and as Alec stares at her bishop, he realises how little hope he has in trying to disuade her. He can't concentrate enough to play chess, a game he was taught how to play as soon as he could talk.

"I see the way you look at him, Alec." Lydia says. "Like there is nothing else in the entire world but him. Like he is the sun and the stars and the moon."

"I don't-"

"I am not mad," Lydia explains. "Neither of us instigated this union, and although you are a wonderful, kind man, I cannot say that I am in love with you. And I know that you love him, and not me."

"I'm sorry." Alec whispers. "I entered into this marriage without telling you, and it's not fair to you that I am in love with another."

"You have no need to apologise." Lydia assures him. She reaches over and takes his hand in hers, squeezing encouragingly. "We cannot help the ones we love, no matter how hard we try to disuade our feelings otherwise."

Alec studies her for any signs of dishonesty, and instead only finds sympathy and something that looks like understanding.

"It doesn't matter." Alec says. "The two of us are married, and it's not as though Magnus and I will ever be able to be together."

"Perhaps not." Lydia says slowly, thoughtfully.

"Or, perhaps, there is a way."

* * *

 

"Alexander,"

"I know, it's not ideal but-"

Magnus smiles sadly, pitying, and Alec feels frustrated and upset but most of all angry. Angry that he can't marry who he wants, angry that he can't have what he wants, angry he can't be with Magnus the way _they both want_.

"Alec, you are the Crown Prince of Idris, heir to the kingdom-"

_"And a crown I have never once wanted to bear."_

Magnus sighs, running a hand through his hair. It falls onto his shoulders, framing his face now it is out of its ribbon. Alec yearns to run his own hands through it, but refrains. What he's asking of Magnus is big, life-changing, and he needs to treat it as the serious matter it is.

"Jace will take the crown, he's the second-oldest, and he's always wanted to rule. He'd be far better at it then I would, anyway."

"Don't say that," Magnus protests, but Alec shakes his head.

"It's true, I am not firm enough to be a ruler. And besides, Jace can marry Clarissa, connect the kingdoms, create strong bonds - my parents aren't going to turn down an opportunity like that. With Jace on the throne, Isabelle will be able to wed whoever she wants, and if by some horrible mishap Jace happens to pass, there's always Max. They don't need me as King, Magnus."

"But you have been preparing for this your whole life, you - you have the whole kingdom waiting for you."

"I don't want the kingdom, Magnus, I don't want the crown or the power, I've never wanted that. I - I want you."

Alec rakes his fingers over his scalp, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. His emotions are spinning around inside me like a wayward hurricane, and he can't gain a grasp on any of them.

"Lydia is the one who suggested it. You and I could run away-"

"Because that won't raise any suspicions?"

"I don't know, Magnus, I don't know how to do this. All I know, is that I am more in love with you than I ever will be with anyone else, and I won't be happy married to Lydia. _I'm not happy_ , and we both know it, she knows it too."

He's trembling, hard enough that when Magnus steps forward to pull him into a tight embrace, the shudders running through him are only slightly muffled. He presses his head to Magnus' chest, allows the fabric to soak in his tears, his hands gripping the lapels of his coat in tight fists.

"All I know," Alec mumbles. "Is that if I could have only one wish granted, I would wish to be with you. Regardless of anything else, you are the only thing I want, Magnus."

Magnus whispers something into Alec's ear, his tone soft and sad, and Alec remembers hearing those words before, foreign words spoken in a native tongue that is comfortable wrapping around them.

"What does that mean?" He asks quietly.

"It means that I love you, Alec." Magnus says. "And _that_ means I would do anything for you."

* * *

 

_Dear King Robert and Queen Maryse of Idris._

_It is with my highest regret to inform you that your son, Crown Prince Alexander, has passed away in a highway robbery, along with Lord Magnus Bane of Brooklyn and one of their footmen._

_My deepest condolences for you and your family in this time of mourning._

_\- Sir Charles Augustine, in the service of the Penhallows._

* * *

 

_**Three Years Later** _

"Remind me to collect some wood and kindling tomorrow, we don't want the fire to die out in the middle of winter."

Alec smiles over his shoulder, before returning to the letter in front of him. Magnus walks over and slides an arm over Alec's shoulders, his hand resting above his heart, feeling the steady beat.

"Still not regretting your decision?" He asks, kissing down Alec's jaw.

"Absolutely not." Alec replies, his head tilting back to lean against Magnus' chest.

Magnus' eyes scan the headline, and he grins wide enough to rival Alec's.

_I have the greatest news! From here on out, I, Princess Isabelle Sophia Lightwood, are wed in the sacred union of marriage with Sir Simon Lewis. How exciting! I shall be a married woman when I see you next. A wife! To a knight!_

_I can't wait to learn how to wield weapons. Whether Simon wants to teach me or not. xx_

"He became a knight," Magnus comments.

"To marry her." Alec replies.

He misses his family, more than he thought he would, but he doesn't regret his decision for a second. Isabelle and Jace, and their prospective partners, visit every time they can, and now that Jace is heir to the throne, there are very few people who can deny any of his requests.

He doesn't miss his parents, which he thought he would - most likely because in retrospect, he never really knew them as well as he thought - and Jace has promised to bring Max with them the next time they visit. His life is far better than his prospects were before he made his decision, even before he met Magnus.

He has control over his own life, he doesn't have to follow orders from anyone else, and he has the opportunity to look into the future knowing he has the love of his life by his side and as many possibilities as he desires.

"I love you, Alexander." Magnus whispers, kissing down Alec's neck. "And if I could go back in time, I would make the same decision, over and over again."

Alec twists his head, turning to press his lips against Magnus'.

"As would I."

**Author's Note:**

> See, Alec didn't really die - I just didn't want to spoil the story.
> 
> I based Lydia on the headcanons that I have found/ made up myself so her personality (and appearance) probably differs from the actual show.
> 
> This was such a fun thing for me to write, and it most certainly got further out of hand than I had expected it to. Nevertheless, it is possibly one of the greatest things I have ever written, and I'm really proud of it and myself.


End file.
